Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Steps That Lead Nowhere

I stood on the steps to the old First Baptist Church in Klondike for a few minutes before the celebration of a friend’s life began. The steps were the only thing left of the old country church. I tried to remember if I had attended a funeral there since my daddy’s was held forty three years ago. I couldn’t remember setting foot in the church since that day. I looked east through the trees and tried to recall details of the Methodist Church that used to be there.

My childhood memories of the church were bittersweet.  I could see the inside of the church in my mind, the pews and pulpit, the picture of Jesus with bleeding hands, and I think there were stained glass windows. I remember being uncomfortable, as if I didn’t fit in, but always felt better after attending on Sunday. 

As more cars arrived, I felt a little conspicuous standing on steps that led nowhere, so I walked over to the new metal building that now served as the church. We were there to honor and celebrate the life of Jerry Biggs, a Klondike resident and a character actor with a long resume. 

I thought of the irony of attending a memorial service in tiny Klondike, the closest thing to a town where I grew up, for an actor who had starred in major films. If someone had told me that as a kid, I would have laughed. 

The new metal building is nice, but it just doesn’t have the ambience of the old wooden church. I perused the gallery of photos of Jerry posing with famous Hollywood actors and regretted not sitting down with him more often when I had the chance to hear more stories about his interesting life.

True, in a small town and county where you are considered new until you have lived here for at least three decades, Biggs was still considered new. Even though he had lived here a very long time, he was not a native. He lived less than a mile from where I grew up and almost directly across from West Delta, the school I attended for eight years.

And he lived in a house I used as inspiration for one of the pivotal scenes in Rivers Flow, my first novel. As I listened to his life story told by friends and family, I was struck by the things I did not know about the man I called a friend.

Jerry and I had almost nothing in common, except a strong affinity for Lonesome Dove, the excellent made-for-tv movie where Jerry starred as reprobate Roy Suggs.  He also had roles in many other notable films such as Silverado, Tender Mercies and Bernie, to name a few. 
I loaned him my horse Rowdy to make a documentary film for the local university. Jerry had to ride down a hill into a small valley in the opening scene. By his own admission, Jerry was a much better actor than rider. When I cautioned him not to squeeze his legs and to push forward on the stirrups, lean back slightly, and pick up the reins if Rowdy quickened his pace. 

I held my breath when Rowdy started to trot down the hill, then lope, then all out run as Jerry couldn’t keep from squeezing. I feared calamity, but Jerry managed to stay aboard and in one piece. He stepped down and began his speaking role in the film unperturbed, like the pro he was.

Some sixteen years ago, Jerry showed up at the site of a barn and arena we were building in my back pasture. He wore his tool belt and volunteered for work that day. Jerald and I were grateful, but looking back, I wonder if we had made him welcome enough and showed our gratitude properly. He brought us copies of his famous photo in character and costume as Roy Suggs. 

As the service came to a close, I resolved to benefit from Jerry’s life. He had reached out to become friends. I did not reject him, of course, but I did not enthusiastically seek a closer friendship. I don’t know why, exactly. I think it was because it was a very busy time in my life, but that may be an excuse. Maybe it was because of our different lifestyles and backgrounds, but I am usually fascinated by people different than myself. Most of my best friends are different personality types than I am. 

Whatever the reason, I knew I had missed an excellent opportunity to know a unique, talented, and fascinating character better. I will try not to let that happen again.

After the services, I stopped again on the old church steps and reminisced, recalling this scene from my second novel. Molly Beth squealed as the Mustang shot away from the Chevy. The little motorcycle was a drag racer’s dream, and Gray had it tuned to fly. He charged down Klondike’s main street, the Chevy following closely behind, unable to pass or gain. Just past Dad Flanagan’s, Gray turned off his light, cut across the Methodist Church parking lot through a field he had played in as a boy, then back through the Baptist Church parking lot. He passed between trees too narrow for a car to follow. The Chevy’s lights were not in sight. 

And this scene from Go Down Looking . . . At the church in Klondike, a preacher nobody in the family knew droned on endlessly in a combination fire-and-brimstone and invitation-to-be-saved sermon. Mattie shook with sobs, ready to shatter like porcelain glass. Jake was on the verge of standing and telling the preacher to stop when he mercifully ended. An octogenarian male quartet sang “The Old Rugged Cross” out of sync with the nonagenarian piano player. Jake ached with grief and shame as the family left the church and watched the pallbearers load his father into the black hearse again. 

Memories. The steps reminded me that many, if not most, of my old childhood haunts are gone now. Looking over the graves of my ancestors down Klondike’s main street at the old post office that my daddy built and Dad Moore’s store reminded me that other landmarks (and people) suffer the ravages of time and are not long for this world. Makes me pleased I captured at least some of them on the printed page.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

An Instruction Manual for Grandparents

I’ve often wondered why there are not more books about the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren. There are plenty of books about parenting, but not so many about grandparenting. Guess folks don’t think it’s as important and they’re probably right.

I recall having separation anxiety when my children entered their teens. Back in those days, we lived in town and I saved up to buy a small place in the country to keep our horses and a few cows. When my son and daughter were little, they begged to go with me to the country. In fact, I could hardly sneak off anywhere without one or both in the seat beside me. 

Then, suddenly it seemed, they didn’t want to go anymore. That was about the time when they stopped hanging on my every word and started ignoring me. They never stopped watching me, just stopped listening. 

I used to say half-seriously that the little girl who used to sit on my knee and bring me iced tea after work went into her room one day and never came out. The son who begged me to play catch or to drive a tractor suddenly seemed more interested in girls and cars.

For the last few years, I have experienced almost the same thing with grandchildren. Lovely, lively babies who laughed at all my antics, loved hugs and kisses, and were easily entertained with the simplest things like a wiener roast or a simple campfire, became easily bored and hard to entertain. With the arrival of smart phones and I-pads, it got worse. 

Then, they started to slur their words and fail to articulate what they are trying to say. In other words, they mumbled a lot and talked too fast (and it’s not because of hearing loss). I couldn’t get them to take their eyes off their phones and gadgets long enough to find out anything about their lives. I sort of gave up. 

Jan chastised me. Said she was enjoying their teen years. She loves making pillows and quilts for them and teaching them her craft. I couldn’t relate, especially with the girls. I did not want those sweet little girls to turn into young women. Of course, it was a train that should not be stopped.

Before they got as big as us, we used to keep all seven overnight for a night or two. Those visits were filled with laughter and joy. Tiring, yes, but memorable. But the teen years brought a few arguments (with us and with each other) and they became a little harder work. The bigger kids seemed to take up the whole house plus some. I felt them slipping away.

But this past year has been a good one. Just when you think they have outgrown you for good, one calls to say she wants to drop by and bring her boyfriend before she returns to college in the fall. She doesn’t need our approval, but we are happy she sought it.

Then another called just back from being a camp counselor and wanted to renew old memories by riding my horse. Gave us a warm feeling. She also wrote us a letter at Christmas recounting her fond memories of the fun things we used to do at our place. Good to know she remembers.

Then another one called the other day to ask advice before a job interview. I don’t know if I helped her, but it warmed my heart that she asked. 

Getting news that a grandson had begun to heal a rift with his father was also heartwarming. I like to think he was inspired by the great relationship between his father and me.

We still have two in high school and one in middle school. The soon-to-be senior came over the other day and welded some fence for me and washed Jan’s car. The soon-to-be freshman made her first real quilt this year and had some adventures in cooking with GranJan. Our twelve-year-old boy had to have surgery that messed up his summer. But his courage and good humor inspired us all. 

Maybe we don’t need an instruction manual or book after all. As my old friend and farrier-philosopher Max Moody said about his grandchildren, “You just gotta pick ‘em up and hug ‘em once in a while.”